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08 July 2004 @ 10:05 pm
Hmmm... maybe this wasn't the best idea  
Watching a movie I know to be tear-worthy while I'm menstrual.

Big Fish just broke me. Part of it is that I'm struggling as a storyteller right now, thrashing about to little effect. Too, the performances were lovely. The visuals were gorgeous. And heartbreaking.

What really got me, was the line "Your father had a stroke."

I started sobbing so very hard that I made myself sick. See, my dad - my tall, strong, ex-Navy carrier pilot dad, had a stroke eight years ago, and he's never been the same, physically and mentally. And now I'm crying again. Gods! But I want to find that joy for him. I know how frustrated he is; his body has completely betrayed him. I want to find that joy - the gathering at the river, his life story where there is no sadness, only celebration.

Which brings me back to flailing about in the waters of story. I'm not that skilled. I'm not that intuitive. It hurts.


All may yet be very well.
I feel: melancholyweepy, damnit
I hear: 'Flying' from the Peter Pan soundtrack
Kerryscreamingdolai on July 8th, 2004 07:50 pm (UTC)
I understand the need to bawl...and Cat (who I'm on the phone with) is so happy you finally saw it. Much beauty in that movie.
Tart Tartuberlibra on July 9th, 2004 10:15 pm (UTC)
I love that movie. It also kills me. I saw it a week after Warren (my boss)'s dad died. He was the last remaining grandparent-like person in my life. Someday I'll have to see the last twenty minutes of Big Fish again, 'cause owing to the bawling, I can barely remember it. At least all that crying was v. cathartic. And the fact that Albert Finney's character's life was so extraordinary and remembered with such love and affection struck me as incredibly comforting too.

I do believe that all will be well, and wish you luck with the story-ing.