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15 July 2003 @ 08:41 pm
How did this happen?  
How did I get to be 34 years old? How did I reach this point without establishing a career? Why is it that time seems to slip through my fingers? There is so much I want to do, and I have been lazy and dull. How did I reach a point when I think I may want children, only to have to face that that may not be a viable option? How did I leave the 'me' I once was so very far behind?

There are some things I have accomplished of which I am proud. I have a lovely family and wonderful friends. I just want more. To be more. I want the publisher to call tomorrow and give me an answer, one way or the other. I want to feel that I am good enough to write another novel. I want to matter in this world. I want to be special.

I want to steal back time, to recall those wasted days that I might put them to better use.
I feel: distresseddistressed
I hear: "Wicked Little Town" from 'Hedwig and the Angry Inch'
moileaflette on July 15th, 2003 05:57 pm (UTC)
Mari, you're special to a lot of people.

*If* the publisher sends back your novel, that doesn't mean that you're not good enough to be published. It just means that they think you can do better. :) Of course you're good enough to write another novel. You're good enough to do whatever you want to, and knowing you you'll excel at it.
Ratesjulratesjul on July 15th, 2003 06:24 pm (UTC)
"I want to matter in this world. I want to be special. "

You matter to MEEEEEE!!!!
and you ARE special... to a LOT of people ALL around the world - namely the sheroes.

As to stealing back time, I wish that I could give you that, that it were possible.