On the bright side, I went to the eye doctor. My vision has not deteriorated greatly since my last visit (two years ago. oops!), and I had a delightful chat with Dr. G.* Also, my new glasses are going to be plain, black and rectangular: brainy specs!
*I think I managed to convince him that if his wife has actually expressed an interest in owning a Kitchen-Aid stand mixer, then he should get over feeling guilty that he's giving her kitchen stuff and buy it, already. With a spare bowl.