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15 March 2004 @ 12:16 am
a few things you should know  
*warning!* self-indulgent, pitying and pathetic post ahead.

but, should you be fond of such posts, here are those things you should know...

~I'm woefully out of shape. I lost thirty pounds last year. I looked pretty good. This winter past, I've gained 10 back. I really couldn't afford to do so. I'm trying to work out (when I can) but I my dietary regime has been abysmal. I'm 35, people. I really can't stand to be such a flabby, non-fit sack of gelatinous ick. Honestly.
~I'm in a state of panic regarding my writing. It's WEEKS since I got my first rejection letter... and have I attacked my MS? Have I attempted even the most cursory of revisions? I have not. Why? Fear. Fear that my first draft was the best I had in me. That I don't know how to do revisions, that I'm a hack who has no business even pretending she wants to be a writer because, frankly, she's just not frelling good enough.
~My. Skin. Sucks. And so goes my skin, so goes my appeal. That's the way it works in my head, anyway. I know, I know. I KNOW. But still...
~How do I do this grown-up stuff? I'm trying to hide my panic over this whole house-buying thing. Tomorrow I need to send the contract back to the lawyer, along with a HUGE, and I do mean HUGE check. I'm really not good at this. *whimper*

that is all. I'll spare you the rest of my whinging.
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Erika: searchingdolphinaunt on March 15th, 2004 06:47 am (UTC)
Regarding writing. I like to play around with writing and know how frustrating it can get for me not to write. Feeling like I have nothing to write when there's so much in my head. I can't imagine how it must be for you after receiving the letter and needing to revise. Revising seems like a really hard process to go through, especially the first few times.

And the feelings of not feeling like you are a writer is perfectly normal. I imagine the best writers out there have felt it many times during a book or two.

A good day will come. And you'll feel confident and you'll write.
moi: eowynfairleaflette on March 15th, 2004 06:58 am (UTC)
Hmmmmmm... Look at it this way, Kel: You're still twenty pounds lighter than you were this time last year. Go you! Dr. Atkins would be proud.

You ARE working on your writing, because you are thinking about it constantly- I can tell. That is working on it, even though you are stressing too much. :( You also have a certain teenaged friend reading through it and critiqueing- *blush*- and who will be done soon because she will work on it a lot now that she has a computer again. Also, first drafts are never anyone's best, especially not yours! There are always things to tweak and change, and you are now ready to do it- things will occur to you as you read, and I am confident you will change it wonderfully.

I feel the same way, except mine isn't psariosis. (did I spell that right?) I think that's the reason I'm a different person sometimes, ESPECIALLY at school. Who would believe I never talk at school? It's because I was teased constantly in middle school because of my skin. School is now a Bad Place. The point is, I totally feel you, although I can't believe you look anything less than lovely.

As to the house, look at it this way- an expense you'll only have to spend ONCE! It's not like you're making a habit out of signing huge checks... You got a good deal and you love the house, right? So it's totally worth it, and I know you know that, and you know you know that, and it's all going to be fine. What else is more important to spend that money on than a house? Besides all the decorating you'll be doing. Which is fun, trust me. :)

<3
moi: risefortheendleaflette on March 15th, 2004 07:12 am (UTC)
Oh, just an odd little piece of imagery I felt like sharing...

When I'm writing (for example, a short story due April 1st for English), I get it all down on paper. In my mind, it feels kind of blobish. Like a big, gooey... blob. All the ideas and feelings and thoughts are THERE- I can tell they're there, I can SEE them there, but unfortunately, only I can see and understand the blob, because it is MY blob. Other people may think they do, but they really don't get the message I want to convey, because blobs are so blobish like that.

Revising feels to me like takeing a huge, solid something- maybe a club or wooden board or a length of iron- and whacking at that blob relentlessly until it stiffens up and does EXACTLY what I want it to do. This is not subtle- this is brute force! Beat the {expletive deleted} thing until it is the shape you want it! Smack ruthlessly and hard! Delete words, lines, whole paragraphs! Rearrange! Take out your favourite bit that just doesn't work in there anymore! You are the Fuhrer! This is YOUR story! Arrrrr!

Then, once it is beaten t- revised, comes the fine detailing, such as an ice sculpter might do after the block is sculpted. THIS is the time to be gentle and loving to my story (after all, I abused it to near death in the last paragraph, leaving behind a starved, tough little thing that says EXACTLY what I want). Mold it just a leetle bit, drop in some imagery here, a pun there, a funny little tie-in there... Things that are quite nice and make you go "Oh yeah, I'm a genius!" but aren't quite essential. Like icing on a cake, or chocolate on strawberries.

Yes, well, that was Leafy's Feelings on the Revision Process. She hopes you had a fun time reading it and also hopes that you aren't scared of her by this glimpse into her mind.
Kelladyjoust on March 15th, 2004 10:33 am (UTC)
"Also, first drafts are never anyone's best, especially not yours!"

Yikes! is it that bad???

thanks for responding, though, everybody. it helps.
moileaflette on March 15th, 2004 12:15 pm (UTC)
NO!!!! It's not bad, it's normal! Your first draft is just everything that you want to get out of yourself onto paper. No one can ever expect that it will be their best work! Your best work takes a looooong, meticulous time! That was NOT intended to be a bad comment! It was good!
Nimnimue9 on March 15th, 2004 10:17 am (UTC)
Whinge away, darlin', this is your personal forum. I hear you re: skin problems. If you try standing two or three yards away from the mirror, you'll get more of an idea what other people are seeing. And your house-buying will proceed like my driving lessons - faster than you want, but all right in the end. If that made any sense at all, let me know. The analogy worked inside my head. And think of your lovely house....with a garden, right?
Tart Tartuberlibra on March 15th, 2004 12:02 pm (UTC)
i'm sorry you're not feeling so great.

for what it's worth: to me you have always been radiant, and fantastic, and really really cool.

and i bet you're a great writer. you know what they say. the hardest part is revising the first draft...

*hug*
Ratesjul: connectratesjul on March 15th, 2004 12:07 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

Anything I can think of saying has already been said FAR more eloquently than I can think of words for.