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13 August 2007 @ 09:10 pm
Thursday last, a bunny infiltrated my B&N.

That's right: a bunny. A baby bunny. A bunny - mayhap - on a mission.

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I eat Covert-Ops for breakfast!

The Receiving Manager saw it, and called out to me. “A baby bunny what now?” I replied, demonstrating my quick wit and facility with the English language. She pointed. “It’s in the corner.” I approached the corner quietly, and lo! there was a teeny bunny sitting next to the broom and dustpan. It appeared quite alert, though obviously scared, and uninjured.

The immediate options presented themselves:

1: Let the bunny go.

(a)We had nary a clue as to how it might have found its way in, but there was a chance it remembered, had noted landmarks and the like and knew how to find its way back out.
(b)BabyBunny was small and frightened and quite possibly a lagomorph of little brain (it’s head was quite wee, after all), and odds were that left to its own devices it would get crushed under a v-cart or the fork lift or, if it managed to make it past such hazards, starve to death.
(c)BabyBunny had been sent in on a mission of dire importance, and though it had not counted upon such insurmountable odds, it was ready to give its life for the mission; who was I to say it nay?

2. Pick the bunny up with an eye to placing it back outside, or whatever was deemed necessary to save it.

I picked the bunny up. It began to hop through my hands, but I scooped it to my breastbone and held it cupped in my hands, half covered by the button-down shirt I’d removed from around my waist. It fell still, though I could feel its tiny heart beating madly.

What the hell do we do now? I wondered. After a long few moments, wherein someone offered to take it home that she might set it free with the other bunnies in her yard and yet someone else asked if I was going to keep it, I decided that I needed Help. I wasn’t sure how old the bunny was, only that it was definitely not fully grown. If I set it free outside, would Mama bunny reject it? After all - oh, crap! - it now smelled of me. Of Human.
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I foresee: DOOOOOM!

After poking holes in the side of a box and lining it with toilet paper (the softest material we had to hand), we gave the bunny a cup of water and set it aside while we determined it's fate.

Things moved quickly - and yet alarmingly slowly - from that point on. I started making calls, counting on powers more knowledgable than I to inform the decision as to what I should do. Both the Warwick Humane Society and the Ramapo/Bergen Animal Rescue were, apparently, out to lunch; I left messages on their answering machines. Someone was at my vet's office, but she didn't know much about wild animals and so gave me numbers for two wildlife rescue services: the first was out of service, the latter connected me with someone's personal answering machine.

At this point, I was all kinds of emotional and fuzzy-headed and at a bit of a loss. So, I dialed the guy who gets the job done. “Hey, sweetie!” I said when Don picked up the phone. I explained what was going on. He got online (not an option for me, just in case anyone was wondering why I didn’t do so in the first place) to look up other numbers for wildlife rehab type places. The first two he came up with were the two I’d already called. “Maybe another vet,” I suggested. “What’s the name of the one that just opened up near us?” After a few moments of astonishingly difficult memory-dredging, I pulled out, "Orchard Grove?" and Don was able to bring up their website which clearly stated that they were closed on Thursdays. I said a word that should never be said around impressionable baby bunnies, no matter how cunning they might be. Moments later, Don had to hang up that he might attend an important call at work. I was gracious and understanding. erm... okay, I said another bad word. cried a little in frustration. turns out I was PMSing hugely, which explains my ridiculous emotional swings throughout this entire escapade.

At long last, I was able to reach another branch of the Humane Society and the determination was made that the best thing to do was to let the bunny go, human taint be-damned. Not a minute later, Don rang back: he'd called another veterinarian and had exactly the same info I had (and of course, I was awash with guilt for my previous imprecations and angry tears. hormones suck.) which made me certain I was doing the right thing. We took the box out back, where there is some semblance of 'woodland', and tipped the box on its side. BabyBunny sat there, nose a-twitching but otherwise still. We backed away and gave the poor thing some peace. The Humane Society lady suggested we check back in an hour, and when we did so, BabyBunny was gone.

All the other bunnies were probably waiting. When Baby came back into the clearing, they were all aquiver: "Did you get it?"

"No. Stupid weepy lady with a mouth like a truck driver dumped me out here."

"GAH!" the other bunnies hopped about, I imagine, ears a-quiver, expressing their frustration. "Now we'll never know how '... Deathly Hallows' ends!"

One last note: regarding human scent on baby bunnies, check this out. I'm not a bunny-doomer after all, even if BabyBunny had been so young as to not be ready to leave MamaBunny (which was clearly, upon review, not the case) Woot!

and I quote: "Touching baby bunnies will NOT make the mother abandon (leave) them. This is a common misconception people mistakenly have."

Also, "They leave the nest when they are about 4" or 5" long and the white diamond shaped patch of fur on their forehead is almost gone. They will also have fluffy fur, their eyes will be open and their ears will stand up away from their bodies. They will look like tiny adults and are supposed to be on their own without their mother."

I feel: anxiousanxious
wench18wench18 on August 14th, 2007 02:02 am (UTC)
I'd be willing to contribute to purchasing a bunny copy of HPDH that you could leave in the field for them.
Rennierengirlie87 on August 14th, 2007 02:04 am (UTC)
Cydfaireraven on August 14th, 2007 02:09 am (UTC)

I'd use a bunny icon, only I haven't logged in yet, dammit.
Aifacat: Guinnessquirrelaifacat on August 14th, 2007 02:12 am (UTC)
*chuckles* Love it.

Considering your recent bunny encounters...perhaps someone is trying to tell you something, lol...if you got an angora, you could spin its fur...*mwahahahahahenablinglaugh*
Adrienne C.adrienne429 on August 14th, 2007 02:51 am (UTC)

"No. Stupid weepy lady with a mouth like a truck driver dumped me out here."

"GAH!" the other bunnies hopped about, I imagine, ears a-quiver, expressing their frustration. "Now we'll never know how '... Deathly Hallows' ends!"

That is so cute.
Ilena Ayalanetsearcher on August 14th, 2007 03:56 am (UTC)
Bunny is most likely fine, and the best place to release it was indeed in the area it was used to. You did well. :-)

FWIW, be careful handling them. They're cute, but tend to be loaded with ticks, and other parisites. :-P
BlueberryEmilyblueberryshero on August 14th, 2007 04:29 am (UTC)
*loves* That is amazing.
Fjordhopper: Brisco/Bowler Heroesfjordhopper on August 14th, 2007 09:46 am (UTC)
Hurray for bunny emancipation!
Boo for bunnies unable to complete secret missions!
Hurray for ladyjoust's ability to write an awesome account of her personal experiences!!! Yay!
Kerry: Yoinkscreamingdolai on August 14th, 2007 02:32 pm (UTC)
You turned "I found a bunny and put it outside" into an amazing story. Why aren't you published?
Adrienne C.adrienne429 on August 14th, 2007 07:53 pm (UTC)
Exactly my thought.
harpiegirl4harpiegirl4 on August 14th, 2007 07:33 pm (UTC)
The bunny was a spy. He was sent to watch your daily habits, thus gathering information towards the operation to invade your garden. Just because he LOOKS sweet and innocent...
Cat: pic#52810289tomincloset on August 14th, 2007 09:56 pm (UTC)
How do we know it wanted Deathly Hallows, and not a copy of The Runaway Bunny to help it formulate further infiltration plans? I'm hearing the Great Escape/Simpsons/Chicken Run music in my head right now...
Bird on a Wing: Squeak!caragana_leaves on August 15th, 2007 04:18 am (UTC)

That is just so freakin' cool!
Rennierengirlie87 on August 17th, 2007 01:45 am (UTC)
"Touching baby bunnies will NOT make the mother abandon (leave) them."

i learned this summer the same goes for birds. did u know they have no olefactory senses?!

btw, see you at faire this sunday?
Kel: Yvaine the fallen starladyjoust on August 17th, 2007 11:38 am (UTC)
Yes, I am!