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21 September 2005 @ 04:42 pm
I've just taken my very first Vicodin, so this may get a little disjointed.

Last week, a bump appeared on my - erm - nether regions (think just below the waistline of low-rider jeans). It might have been a bite, or a cyst, or something entirely different. I ignored it. That was supposed to make it go away. Everyone knows that!

Well, it didn't work. Today, I determined that it was infected. It was swollen further, and walking was uncomfortable. I left work a little early and went to the emergency room. Visions of cancer or rare camel-borne diseases filled my head. I was sure I'd be admitted instantly, or trussed to a gurney and wheeled into the operating room as Hugh Laurie said something pithy and someone else shouted things like "I need a fructose drip, one jillion millilitres, STAT!"

It was sort of like that, if by 'sort of' I mean that I had one doctor (definitely not House, alas) and a tray full of sharp and pointies.

My diagnosis of infection was correct, but turns out the cause was neither bite nor cyst (though my mum the nurse said it likely was the latter (and she told me the type but I can't recall)), merely a localized infection. Could have been an ingrown hair. Could be something entirely different. It all boiled down to this: lancing. And not the kind I do on weekends.

Keep in mind this was already embarassing. It ought not to have been, I know, but having anyone pay a great deal of attention to an area no one but my husband has seen in lo these many years, well... it is unsettling in the extreme. On top of that, I was in pain. And on top of that, there was a scalpel with my name on it.

The doctor was very nice. "I'm sorry, there is nothing I can do but drain it."

"I know," I said, trying to smile. "I'm sorry for you, that you have to do it. It's just going to be gross no matter what, isn't it?"

"Yes." Well, at least he was honest. He gave me a local anaesthetic (which, for the record, did Sod All) and then immediately made the incision. Sorry - incisions, plural. I gripped the sides of the bed. "Ow. Ow. OW. OW. OW. OW! OW!!!!.... sorry."And so it went. Tears poured from my eyes. I kept apologizing for whimpering and saying "Ow," and "Okay, THAT hurts."

"It is okay," he said. "I know it hurts. You're very tough." Ha. Then again, to go through that with no dulling of the nerves... yeesh. "Childbirth does not hurt much more than this." I assured him that I would hunt him down and hold him to that if ever I have a kid. He told me again before I left that I was very tough. Makes me wonder what the non-tough ones would have been whimpering.

Once he drained it (a whole new world of OW, but with less of the 'burning lines incised into my flesh'), he inserted packing. I'll be having fun with that over the next two weeks.

He prescribed antibiotics (I've not taken any such thing in at least nine years) and Vicodin (I balked at this, but he pointed out that I had a fresh incision and it was going to hurt; if nothing else, the Vicodin would help me get to sleep). Oh, and I got a tetanus shot, too. Which I should have had ages since, but I'm not so keen on going to the doctor. But then you might have picked up on that.

It still hurts to walk, and I am icked whenever I move by the feel of the incision and the packing (no doubt I'm just hyperaware of it right now) but at least it will get better, now.
I feel: soresore
moi: ineffableleaflette on September 21st, 2005 09:40 pm (UTC)
Awwww, poor kel! Feel better soon!
(Deleted comment)
Kel: Robin wildladyjoust on September 21st, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
My mom said these cysts are common in women (she's a nurse, so I'm taking her at her word).

For whatever reason, this bugger was big. After drainage, there was a sizeable hole. Thus, the large amount of packing (lest the hole refill - ick) and the need to pull it out (ick ick ick!) gradually.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better! And thanks for whatever good thoughts you can spare. Jousting is, indeed, going to be interesting.
Jobs, baby, Jobs!picoland on September 22nd, 2005 12:33 am (UTC)
that was cyst-sterical...

ok Im gonna get hit with a shield again aren't I.

you are tough, but soft and chewy on the inside...

heh XD
Kerryscreamingdolai on September 21st, 2005 10:03 pm (UTC)
You and Kimmi are cyst pals! :-)

I can't see why people are addicted to Vicodin...it only made me nauseous if I ate nothing before hand, and in an haze if I did. At least I felt no pain. I hope you don't get the nausea from it.
Elial Shadowpineelialshadowpine on September 21st, 2005 11:31 pm (UTC)
I can't see why people get addicted to Vicodin, either. I turn into a bitch on wheels on it ...
Mairearanturas on September 21st, 2005 10:43 pm (UTC)
Sorry for the ickiness of it all. Hope you're feeling better.
Nimnimue9 on September 21st, 2005 11:06 pm (UTC)
(((hugs))) I'm sorry you have to pack it, that is a very gross thing, but at least it won't come back....think about it, you'll never have to see that doctor again. And it's not camel borne, either.
Elial Shadowpineelialshadowpine on September 21st, 2005 11:32 pm (UTC)


I tend to get boils (they feel like pimples or cysts just below the skin) somewhat frequently... they suck, esp. when you have to lance them yourself...
devyn410devyn410 on September 22nd, 2005 12:11 am (UTC)
hugs and healing vibes your way.
Adrienne C.adrienne429 on September 22nd, 2005 02:29 am (UTC)
I had no idea that you were so uncomfortable today. I was being such a whining baby about being up at cashwrap that I didn't notice. I'm sorry.
Hope you're feeling better.
Kathytoosha on September 22nd, 2005 02:48 am (UTC)
Well now you can be House yourself since you have his drug of choice.

I hope that this doesn't spoil closing weekend for you. but I'm glad that you got it taken care of.
Jaredcrimsontom on September 22nd, 2005 02:37 pm (UTC)
I actually had a cyst on the back of my upper leg lanced when I was in high school. It wasn't fun, but the doctor was humorous about it. When he grapically told me what he had drained from it, I sarcastically said "ooo, Yum!" He replied, "to each their own, myself, I prefer beer!"
Ilena Ayalanetsearcher on September 27th, 2005 01:01 am (UTC)
Owwwwww! :( I hope this is healing quickly. I'm just catching up on some reading today.