Kel (ladyjoust) wrote,

This is a long one, my dearlings

This is the problem with being old and creaky: the memory starts to go. As interesting/amusing/notable things happened over the last three days, I would think, “I must remember to mention that in my lj.”

Well, guess what? I recall almost none of them. What little I have, I now present to you.

Saturday was gorgeous. Heck – the entire extended weekend was beautiful, with cool (-ish, anyway – high 70s to low 80s) weather, a bit breezy with mostly sunny skies.

We were down a horse, as Dante is off at Jeanne’s for a round of antibiotics and cyst-drainage. Fun for all! As a result, Oso was a little off. He kept looking for his stable mate. Add that to the cooler weather and I had one perky horse. Hopefully, Dante will be back next weekend.

Scenes and Chess Games went well. I found out that I’m a trading card! toosha made them. What I really want is to make stats for the back – my joust percentages, fight averages, whatever. I’m not a sports-type person, so I don’t know the numbers or the lingo. I just think it would be fun.

On a quick side note, Labor Day weekend is also the anniversary of my engagement to Don. Traditionally, we exchange gifts. I bought him a beautiful new Moresca doublet and he bought me a shiny Starfire scimitar. *drool*

Back to the performance day. The first joust was decent. Well, it was happy for me because Nick was there; he’ll have an early class most Saturdays and will only be there from the second Chess Game on. It was a delightful surprise that we had him on this day. Our hits were not as good as they have been. We both pulled, but we’re getting a bit more relaxed about that. We know we can do better, and we know that we will.

Okay, okay – I might not be exactly ‘relaxed’ about it. I might even be a bit panicky. So shoot me. Same goes for the archery contest.

Anyway, Joust 1. D. was kind enough to try out a new type of thrown target. We initially had wanted something very visual, something that would explode when hit. The dried pita bread had so far worked the best. D. glued Styrofoam plates together after placing confetti and tissue paper in the hollow. Nice idea, but WHOO BOY, were they light! Any random breeze would take them far away – and I do believe I mentioned the weekend was breezy! Yeah. Didn’t do so well with the targets on Saturday. I did have a decent fall – except for the part where I landed. See, I have these nifty little garters (really just leather straps with buckles) that keep my boots up. They go just below the knee, and the boot folds over them. Well, I landed on the buckle on my left shin. HUGE ass bruise ensued. I’m an idiot.

During the second Joust, Smoke was a bit out of his mind. At one point, he just backed out of the SL pocket. Mind, I was completing a pass at that moment – heading right into that pocket. I shifted all my weight hard to the right, and my sweet non-bendy Oso responded beautifully. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. Smoke rocketed back and smashed into my leg and Oso’s left side. I was lifted half out of the saddle, my ill-fitting metal helm came off (yeah – they STILL haven’t gorram fixed it, although they finally did mend my mail) and I dropped my lance. There was a great deal of shouting in that corner, from “Watch out!” to “I need my helm!” *facepalm*

That’s the bad part. The good part? Of eight passes, Nick and I had seven double hits. The eighth pass is his fall; as a rule, one doesn’t hit on their fall. So, in short – we ROCK.

Following the Joust 2, one of the EMTs (the cutie that I inadvertently stared out last weekend) came back to make sure all was well. “Is your eye all right? I saw you holding it after you got hit in the face.” He was referring to my helm hit. I assured him I was okay, that I was acting it, and that we had a signal if anything was really amiss. And, apparently, I was giggling. Girlishly. Kel wasted no time in teasing me about that. Yeesh.

We camped that night and feasted on fantabulous Greek Salad (courtesy of our Captain Jack Swallow), whole wheat pita bread and Moroccan chicken and lentil stew.

Sunday we rose early (I was panicky about a dodgy alarm clock, and so woke long before it was to have gone off). Since I’d sucked some serious monkey-butt in the archery competition the day before, I spent about fifteen minutes shooting down at Roselawn. I did fairly well, too. Too bad it didn’t show in the scene later that day. *grumblesnarl*

Not much to say about scenes, Chess or sets. Or there might be. Only I can’t recall, because it is all so long ago, now.

As for the Jousts… Well, Smoke came up lame. With Dante gone, that brought us down to three horses. Nick stepped up to the plate in a huge way. He rewrote BOTH jousts – they were clean and smart and made perfect sense. I am so proud of that young man! The only bad part was that he wasn’t in Joust 1 (“We had to figure out how to work it when I’m not here, anyway”). I jousted Jeff. We whiffed on the first pass. He was way off the rail on the second. And the third – so I all but threw the lance across the list to tag him. No way was I not making a single hit, dammit. Fourth pass I leaned so far out of the saddle I may as well have been standing on it to give him a good, solid target for my fall. He hit me right in the sweet spot and all was well.

On another side note – after the second pass (in which I twisted hard in the saddle, my right foot out of the stirrup as I leaned across Oso to try to hit Jeff’s shield), I came into the pocket a bit out of sorts. I tossed the unused breakaway – and it sailed past R. and into the fence. And a security guard. And his crotch.


He spent the rest of the day – and much of the next – teasing me about it. He even made a little ‘bulls-eye’ patch to hang from his belt for Monday. A bunch of the older Security guys were chipping in money that I would win if I hit him again. It started at twenty; I found out later that I would have scored one hundred dollars if I’d done it. I couldn’t though. I couldn’t even try! eep!

Joust 2 went smoothly. The first two passes were Ivanhoe and I against Jeff (Gisbourne), with Ivanhoe leading. On the first pass, Jeff lost control of his lance. It was perpendicular to the rail as I ran towards him. I slammed all my weight to the right so that Oso would shift away. My big comfy couch of a horse swerved smoothly out of harms’ way. Love that steed! I only had two passes with Nick (three if you count the helm hit, wherein I am not going to try to hit him as it is all about giving him a good target – ie, my face under steel). Our first was a double, and the second was his fall – and a lovely fall it was.

The ensuing ground fight went well enough – until I had to toss Hood the lance/sword for the final move. I ran across the field, pretending to search for something that would help Hood defeat the Sheriff. When I could not find the lance/sword, pretense turned to truth. I found a discarded broadsword, ran to Hood and bit out, “This is all I could find.”

I love my boys. Hood and the Sheriff worked it out on the fly. They subtly changed the choreography and the ‘kill.’ It was seamless. It was beautiful.

Exhausted and with yet another day ahead of us, Don and I went home (with Kel and another friend in tow). We went to Yesterday’s for kick-ass burgers and divine desserts and then to bed. Well, I stayed up a bit to do essential Faire laundry. Even so, we all got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Even so, Monday was a rough one. I don’t mean to bitch. I adore my job, and I’m really lucky that I get to do so many things that I love. It is just that I go nonstop physically AND vocally. Yeah, yeah, I know. Suck it up, Kel.

First off, the squires dressed as the Three Musketeers. The very best moment was at the beginning of the day. The crowd started to come in, and a few people approached the boys with their programs and entreaties for autographs. The squires were beaming. Mike came over to me, grinning. He leaned in. “Um, how do you spell ‘Aramis’?”

I bent down from Oso’s back and whispered, “You might have wanted to put a little research in beforehand.” Then I told him how to spell it.

G. came to visit! It was lovely to see him. After Morning Address, Kel sent him with me to the next scene. I took him to see the bears first – something I usually do before the Bridge scene. We grinned at the babies, then headed for the bridge. “Hmmm,” said I. “I wonder where everyone is?”

G. looked at his watch. “It’s just now eleven.”

Eleven. I blinked. Then realized – CRAP! I was supposed to be at the Maypole! I threw my belt and pouch at the wonderful Crown and Feather people. G. swears I did a ‘Roadrunner,’ that I lifted into the air, started my legs a-pumping, then hit ground and *zoom!* was away. Even Scott told me later he had never seen me run so fast.

The Bridge scene, when it did happen at its regularly scheduled time, was very nice. Hood was determined to go into the water. I advised against it, as only a few weeks prior there had been raw sewage therein. He insisted, though. So, with an inner cry of ‘Hepatitis for everyone!” I watched Little John toss him over the side of the bridge. The audience loved it, we all got to see Hood in wet tights and so far as I know, he’s still alive and undamaged.

Chess fights were good. My fight with the Sheriff is clean, at least, if not exactly as quick and polished as I would like. My fight with Kel, on the other hand, was lovely. I’ve been sucking monkey ass on one of the moves (a punto reverso); we spent some time cleaning it up that morning. It looks INFINITELY better, so much so that Kel almost shouted out “Good!” when I did it on the board. Which would have been odd.

Joust 1 was nice. Very, very nice. I got a perfect score in the games (thanks in part to the plate/targets being secured in holders rather than tossed and carried away by errant breezes). Nick rode in place of Ivanhoe and all was well. Mind, my shield faded a bit on the first pass, but then we had two doubles before my fall.

Archery contest – I kind of tanked. I did well enough to win my first round, but not as well as I should have done. I placed my arrows perfectly in the final round, though. I’m getting better at setting them a bit closer in. I still want to make it clear that Marian is losing on purpose – which a good grouping will do. As will better performance in the first round. So, more practice for me! Yeah. Sure. I’ve practiced all of once in the past month – and that was this past weekend.

Joust 2? Also good. I miss having a lot of passes with Nick. I miss having more passes, period. I like jousting, I like hitting and I like doing it well. *harrumph * On the second pass, Jeff turned Fortune downstage of the list. It became an inadvertent open field pass. Ivanhoe went first; once he passed Jeff, Jeff’s horse, Fortune, jigged further downstage – directly into my path. I used my legs and weight to shift Oso out of the way of them and the wayward lance that tumbled in front of us.

After, I went out to talk to the crowd again. A guy shouted at me, “Hey, you tossed me out but I’m back!” I smiled and nodded, not knowing what the hell he was talking about. Then he said something else. And again. Finally, I realized – he’d been thrown out by Security and somehow made it back in. I tried to explain that I had no frelling clue who he was, but he insisted it was all my doing. Finally, I said to his girlfriend, “try to explain it to him when he sobers up.” Long story short, he came onto the Joust field and took the preset lance/sword. Robin found out (in a roundabout and purely lucky way) that it was he who had it, and called Security. He found a way back in and attacked me. Lovely, no? And in front of all the little kids who wanted to say hi to Maid Marian. Asshat.

The only downside (other than that drunken thieving nearsighted bastard man) of staying after the Joust was that I missed the beginning of Pub Sing – and thus the beginning of the Reelies’ inspired version of ‘Stonehenge.’ I came in right at “Where the dewdrops cry, and the cats meow…,” so I did get to see the lowering of the mini-henge, and the ‘little people’ dancing. GENIUS!!!!! The rest of Pub Sing was a delight. I may have gotten a little over-enthusiastic, and have duly learned my lesson that I am no longer 18 and resilient and that head-banging will simply make my neck ache. A lot. For a couple of days.

There are a thousand and three things I’ve forgotten, I’m sure. Ah, well. That is what the ‘edit’’ function is for.


I gave caviar to a doctor
His manner grim at my bedside.
Now exams are quite delightful;
He says, “Relax and open wide!”

The Norse have quite an afterlife
Which the Valkyries figure big in.
Seems death is just a chance to score
With lots of horny women.

I gave caviar to a hobbit
Curly-haired and somewhat shy.
You can keep your Elves and Rangers,
I’ll take a man about yay-high. (you’ll have to imagine the visual on this one)

There I saw Medusa’s head,
It caught me quite off guard.
It’s true she stiffens every man,
But even I got hard.

I gave caviar to my squire
His hard work is oft unsung.
Still, he meets my every need.
See- this is why you train them young.

Pandora brought to all mankind
A world of sin and shocks.
Of course the men were quick to blame:
“She opened up her box!”
Tags: faire
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