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15 October 2003 @ 10:49 pm
The skin I'm in  
I hate having psoriasis.

I was taking a bath tonight (trying to soften up some of the plaques of the aforementioned psoriasis preparatory to my phototherapy tomorrow) and caught sight of my legs. OK, OK... they're disproportionate to the rest of my body (the leg=torso ratio is, quite frankly, absurd). But they are long, fairly lean and rather nicely shaped. There's a cut in the muscle of the calves, and just above the knee in the thighs that I'd not noticed. If only there were not disfiguring blobs of red, inflamed skin.

The really horrible, annoying thing is that it was getting so much better. Then Faire came along, and my focus went all wonky. There was stress over scenes, over fights, over jousting... I started beating myself up over my singing, over my drumming and pennywhistle, over my writing (or lack thereof). My skin went insane. It hasn't recovered since. It starts to get a little better, and then I'll go away to perform at another Faire for a weekend and BAM! it gets just a bit worse. Not surprisingly, each minor setback makes me stress that much more, which in turn causes my skin to deteriorate a bit further...

What I hate is that there is a chance I might have been really pretty. And with my skin like this, I never, but NEVER will.

Frell.

Sorry to be so gloomy. I will snap out of it. I just needed to weep a bit through words.
 
 
I feel: grumpygrumpy
 
 
 
moileaflette on October 16th, 2003 03:04 am (UTC)
*hugs* I hope you feel better, mari...


Will you come online? I lost power last night... sowwy. :(
Nimnimue9 on October 16th, 2003 01:14 pm (UTC)
I hear you, luv. I have a concert on Friday, a gorgeous dress...and eczema patches and scars all up and down my shins. And I know I'm pretty, but I also can't use any acne medication because it makes my skin freak out, so it's either zits and scars or red and scaly. The few, the proud, the itchy. Maybe you need something purely relaxing and pleasant...like...I don't know what. But I hope you feel better soon.
Stealth Chaos Butterflybunnymcfoo on October 16th, 2003 03:12 pm (UTC)
*hugs Kel*

I know, it's amazing what bad things stress can do to you. Two days before I was supposed to take the SATs, eczema decided to once again take over my fingers. *sigh* the nasty weepy itchy stuff has yet to go awayyyyyy. So believe me, I understand your need to weep through words, and love you all the more for it.


*more hugs*
tea berry-blueteaberryblue on October 16th, 2003 11:52 pm (UTC)
hey, if you're around, could you get in touch asap?
you can email IM or PM me on sheroes or leave a message in my LJ.

thanks so much.

tea