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19 February 2009 @ 06:58 pm
 
Today was the day, my friends: the day to purchase new kitchen cabinets! The stars were aligned (that is, our consultant fellow was working and a 10% off promotion was in effect) and peace reigned over the land (as in we got the sink base for free. well, four cents, but I couldn't talk the guy down).

I made a last minute adjustment to the configuration, waffled considerably, then changed it back. The final tally was calculated. Let me take a moment to say, "!!!!!" It's just as well I don't have a bigger kitchen. Ye Gods. Printout in hand, I strode purposefully to the front of the store. Good thing I didn't have to go through the Lumber aisle. That would've slowed things down.* As I approached the cashiers, a very nice young man opened up his register for me. I handed him the printout and a handful of seed packets (I had a lot of time to kill before the consultant fellow was ready for me. we'll see how I do raising peas and nasturtiums this year) and, as he was ringing it up, realized my purse was suspiciously light. "Oh, no," I said. "I left my wallet in my car! Can you wait a moment?"

The very nice young man smiled a very nice smile. "No problem."

After a rather blithering apology, I ran (full out, albeit rather clumsily thanks to my snow boots) to my car. My wallet was tucked under my coat, which I'd also left in the car, where I'd tossed it after filling the CARDIS at the gas station. Since I knew I wouldn't need anything more than my debit card and - possibly - ID, I left my purse in the car and ran (again, full out and clumsily) back inside. The very nice young man was still there and still smiling as I gasped another apology. Confident that we were nearly done, I swiped my card and entered my PIN.

"I'm sorry," said the very nice young man. "It says your card was declined."

Now I knew full well there was enough in the account. Even so, I felt a flush creep over my cheeks. Say the word 'declined' and I go into auto-shame. "Can I try it as a credit card?" The v.n.y.m. assured me that I could. We ran it through again.

DECLINED.

I was beginning to panic. "Will you take a check?" I squeaked. The v.n.y.m. nodded. I reached for my checkbook... which was in my purse. Which was in my car. "I need to run back out to my car." Apologies floating behind me, I ran out again. As I did so, I called Don on my cell. "The card was declined and they said they'll take a check and I hope it'll be all right and I know we have enough to cover this and..."

"You have to call for authorization for such a large amount," Don said. "Remember? We had to do that when we bought the CRV."

Oh. OH. Of course. Why the hell hadn't I thought of that? Mind, calling for that authorization took a goodly amount of time. I'd already put the v.n.y.m. through two bouts of car-relay. "I'll just give him a check."

"That should be fine," my beloved assured me. "Are you okay? You sound like you're having trouble breathing."

"Gotta go," I wheezed as I stumbled along in my clunky footwear.

The v.n.y.m. was waiting, and now he had two others with him. Bugger, thought I. They're going to nab me for 'shady attempt to purchase cabinetry.' I wrote the check with shaking hands (from the running and the sheer amount of money I was signing over to Lowe's), showed my shiny new driver's license, and woohoo! all was well.
In about a month, I will have custom built new cabinets in my home.

Now to choose a countertop. And a sink. And lighting fixtures. And to schedule a visit from the electrician and the plumber, to buy a dishwasher and a microwave/hood/vent/thingy.

*whimper*




*you know how there are some jokes that just never get old? for me, it's walking down the lumber aisle as instructed: in a slow, heavy and awkward way. oh, I crack me up!
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I feel: shockedoverwhelmed
 
 
 
Josh Shainejoshwriting on February 20th, 2009 01:22 am (UTC)
* cracks up more people than just you. I shared it, knowing in advance that it would get knowing and appreciative guffaws - which it did.
Kel: Donna is awesomeladyjoust on February 20th, 2009 02:26 am (UTC)
yay!
Maire: rabbitaranturas on February 20th, 2009 01:26 am (UTC)
* What do you do when you walk down the flooring aisle?
Kel: Han *Who me?*ladyjoust on February 20th, 2009 02:26 am (UTC)
Do my best 'dazed and confounded.'

Josh Shainejoshwriting on February 20th, 2009 04:14 am (UTC)
She didn't need floors! Going down that aisle would have been counter-intuitive.
Kel: Jack*grin!*ladyjoust on February 21st, 2009 12:53 am (UTC)
*ba-DUM-bump!*
Zoë Tzoethor on February 20th, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC)
You're a really amazing writer, you know. I actually, in fact, laughed out loud at the line "Are you okay? You sound like you're having trouble breathing."
Kel: Nine/Tardisladyjoust on February 21st, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
um... *blushes a whole lot*

Thank you, m'dear! And I'm delighted to know I made you laugh aloud.